09th June 2009
Hi All,
I really don't know why it is that I can't keep these daily diaries going, it seems to be a monthly diary just lately, I have lots going on, and just don't seem to have been on the pc for anywhere near as long as I have always been in the past.
I have had lots of friends around me, doing there best to help me stop smoking and lose weight ready for hearing when my operation will be.
Well LAST Thursday I got a call from the hospital, they informed me there had been a cancelation, and I can have the place as I'm top on the priority list. they then proceeded to inform me that the date is the 3rd July, with 2 more appointments squeezed in before, one on the 16th June, and other I think is 21st, although that's a Sunday, so I'm not sure.
This has caused a bit of a dilemma, as Mandy's birthday is on the 4th and I was bringing the DJ, so I cant make it, but have sorted the DJ out, so that's one less thing to worry about. now this operation has got me worried, there are less than 4 weeks now till the actual surgery, and its just come so fast, I was told I would not hear anything for 3 months, and then it would be just an appointment to go in and sort a date for after that, this date will mean less than 10 weeks from seeing the hospital to actually having the opp.
One main worry is the fact I'm having to go to Hull for the operation, my dad will come and stay in a hotel, but he is now out of work, so the hotel money needs to be found, Chris (Bondy) is taking a week of work to do all the running about, and driving, to take us up, bring us back and anything else, and so I have to find fuel money for him for taking us, and doing my other running about.
I'm worrying about the after affects of the surgery, how long till I can move about, how long till I can do anything myself ,and all that kind of stuff, I know full recovery is normally 1 to 2 months, and hopefully faster, but I don't know what I can do in the days after the operation. Also the loose skin that I will have, has never been a worry, because it would mean I'm losing weight, which is better, but now it could become a reality.
My head really is all over the place, I sooooo want this operation now! I know its my last chance to live a normal life, and without it I am likely to day soon, but then the actual operation scares me, both the risk factor and after affects. Hopefully I will be better when I have been on the 16th for my next appointment.
Before this operation for 2 weeks I have to go on a NO FOOD liquid diet, I still don't know what this is, but I know I can not have any food of any sort at all for the 2 weeks, this is to shrink my liver so that the surgeon can get past it to perform the operation. if I eat then the operation could be cancelled., that will be a really hard 2 weeks. also means that this week is now my last week ever where I can actually eat a full meal, although I cant go crazy because I also cant gain any weight before the opp or its c cancelled too.
Another BIG BIG problem is my smoking, I have to pack in well before the opp, but I had started again, so this last weekend, I have had Jordan here again, and he has been so good, not letting me smoke AT ALL, I did sneak an odd drag here and there, but only a quick pull on someone else's, never a full one, probably added up to 3 or 4 cigs over the whole weekend. this morning I have had 3 full ones though, and I'm kicking myself, but its just so hard, even knowing I'm at greater risk if I smoke, and that the opp could be cancelled, I think smoking is harder to give up than the food, and when I'm trying I get cravings, the thing is I'm trying not to turn to food instead or cigs too, so I'm really suffering. I smoke more when on the pc, so I'm staying off as much as I can, so I'm not craving as much.
God I have lots to get sorted in the next few weeks its going to be hard.
YOUR HELP IS NEEDED !!!
I NEED YOUR HELP, I don't mind people just reading the updates in this diary, but I would prefer you to come along to my forum www.fat2slimforum.co.uk and offer some support to me, if you want support yourself then its best place for it, the forum is not just for me, its for everyone. you don't have to need support, just come along say hello and follow events, take part in quizzes, have some fun, just as long as your willing to support people who need it IF YOU CAN.
Fat 2 Slim Forum is NOT a diet site, but just a bunch of friendly people who are there for one and other. If you don't want to post then feel free not to, but please post a hello so we know your with us ;-) also we have a GUESTBOOK where you can leave quick comments and thoughts about me and the markcrook.co.uk site. If you have any thoughts, comments or suggestions (other than my spelling and grammar) feel free to contact me or leave them on the GUEST BOOK , or FORUM and I look forward to meeting new members on the FORUM soon.
now enough of my waffling, please check out my diary regularly to see how I'm doing.
Bye for now. Mark Crook.